It’s been over two years

I have been thinking a lot about Carrie lately, as always. It’s been over two years since she died. A few days ago was four years since her “D-Day” — Diagnosis Day, that is. Sept 29, 2001 — the same month as September 11. It was a disaster month. This month seems to be in a similar vein. An old high school friend randomly died, very reminiscent of Michael Monahan. I do not like to think of Dan Solari going through the same crap that I did. He’s in a world of pain now, and frankly always will be. I was reading Carrie’s letter to the Monahans this morning. I love this letter. I don’t have very much of her left, it seems. A few emails, a few journals maybe, a letter or two, some photos. It’s a lot more than a lot of people get I suppose. But it just feels like so little. And definitely not her.

I want to show her my life. I want to share with her my happiness with Nicole. To explore the world, go on a road trip in her Miata. I want her to see how Scott is growing up. He is really maturing into an adult in high school. Nora is much older now. 11 years! Nora was only 7 when Carrie was diagnosed, and can’t really remember much before then. Carrie needs to see her siblings, to know about them, and listen to them. She was a great listener, and that letter shows that she just knew exactly what to say. We need to see her too — to know what she is doing, to visit her at her college. I wonder what she would be doing now.

But I guess it doesn’t matter. She’s dead and that’s that. And life goes on, out here in Seattle, far from family — but close to Nicole. It’s not a bad life, but I just miss my sister.


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